Discernment Counselling

Discernment Counselling

Discernment counselling is most appropriate for couples in distress where one partner wants to preserve and repair the relationship, but the other partner is leaning towards ending it.

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About Discernment Counselling

In just a few sessions, discernment counselling is a way for couples to look at their options before making a final decision about their marriage whether it is to separate/divorce or engage in couples’ counselling or remain with the status quo. Research shows that this kind of “mixed agenda” is common among couples approaching divorce, and discernment counselling is aimed specifically and uniquely for this dynamic. Discernment counselling differs from couple’s counselling in three ways:

  • the goal is not to solve problems in the relationship, but to figure out whether the problems can be solved
  • the process involves mainly individual conversations with each partner, since they each have different needs and agendas
  • it is always short term.

In discernment counselling, Sara helps the couple focus on three paths: ending the relationship via separation or divorce, carving out a specified (typically six-months) period of time to for an all-out effort in couples counseling (and sometimes other services) to preserve the marriage/relationship, or staying the course and deciding later.

The benefit of discernment counselling is the contribution of the counsellor as a witness to the dynamics of the couple’s relationship so she can assist them individually to more clearly comprehend their contribution to the relationship breakdown.   This process facilitates partners to each make an informed choice.

What to Expect

Following the discernment counselling protocol, Sara has individual conversations with each partner. The next step is for Sara to meet with the two partners together so each can share with the other what they are learning about themselves and their relationship dynamic from their individual conversations.

By organizing the sessions in this way, Sara assists both partners to see their individual contributions to the problems and the possible solutions.  She believes that helping each partner understand their own contributions to the problems can be important to the success of future relationships even if this one ends.

Sara considers discernment counselling successful when both partners have clarity and confidence in their decision, and when they more fully understand what’s happened to their relationship.

Discernment counselling can be as brief as one session and as long as five or six sessions. You decide each time whether to come back for a subsequent session. The sessions are usually 1.5- 2 hours.

Discernment counselling is NOT suitable when:

  • One partner has made a final decision to end the relationship and only wants counseling to encourage the other spouse accept that decision
  • One partner is coercing the other to participate via threats of any kind
  • There is a danger of domestic violence
  • When there is an Order of Protection from a court.

Testimonials

Testimonials
Sara offered my husband and I a safe place to work on our relationship.  She skillfully directed our conversations with each other and taught us how to engage in a similar way at home.  We went from fighting almost on a daily basis to being more conscious and loving with each other.  We have suggested Sara to many of our friends who were looking to improve their communication.
RV, Vancouver
Sara is an very experienced, emphatic and skilled counsellor and it has been my privilege to be in her care. I appreciated the wisdom, support and safety that she so effortlessly and calmly offered in our meetings.  I felt truly and deeply seen and heard by her.
LR, W. Vancouver
Thank you so very much Sara.  I am grateful that I met you and have the chance to do my healing with you.  As we begin, I plan to make a strong effort to let go of work related difficulties and concentrate on receiving lots of love.... I need it... my gas tank is empty.  Thanks again for making a big difference in my life.
PY, Burnaby
Thank you for your help in my career trouble and in life.  I have accepted a new job and begin this week.  I feel much better – recharged and refreshed_ and would not be feeling this way without your help.  Thank you again.
LM, N. Vancouver
Sara's skill helped us recover from my affair.  Although I was the "wrong" one in our marriage, I never felt judged by her.  My wife and I are now back on track.
NB, Richmond
Thank you for all your support and the good ideas and wisdom that you helped me identify in myself.  You gave me the courage to go forth and make the changes I needed to make.
NA, Vancouver
Sara is excellent and honed into my situation quickly and accurately. I wanted to 'work' on my coping skills at work. Sara was particularly helpful and in a short period of time assessed, and began with treatment/coping strategies/understanding my circumstances. Bottom line, Sara is an expert who is skilled in time efficiency/effectiveness and a high level of critical thinking.
JK, Vancouver
Thank you very much.  We really appreciate your support and honesty.  My husband was impressed.  He can be a tough one to impress but you managed to do just that. We continue to work on our relationship and keep your "voice" nearby as we try to chose the right responses when various situations occur. Thanks again for your continued guidance and words of wisdom.
LB, Vancouver
Sara is very warm and empathetic and I felt very comfortable with her and trusted her very much. I believed she was there to help and never to judge. I would recommend Sara’s services to anyone who needs them.
TC, Vancouver
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